There's so, so much that could be said about this short film. Words can change the world, lie, reveal, help, hinder, and the list goes on...
It's good for me, someone from whom words often flow fast and furious in written and spoken form, to be reminded how much power there is in the endless combinations that can be made from 26 little letters.
I hope you guys enjoy this short but powerful film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzi...layer_embedded
Friday, April 22, 2011
On Words
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Communication
A question on my Coach's forum got me thinking today about communication.
One thing that really improved my communication skills was silence. I know, that sounds weird, right? But I am a talker, and a conversation dominator (at least I used to be). If you find yourself only half listening to others because you are busy formulating your reply, CHANGE this way of being. Make eye contact. LISTEN. Before you reply or add to the conversation, paraphrase back to the other person what they just said to you and ASK for their confirmation that you've understood them correctly. Ask more open-ended questions (not yes/no questions); make fewer statements (although be careful that you don't phrase everything as a question, which makes you look indecisive and weak). And remember that communication sometimes happens very quickly (or at least breakdowns in communication certainly do), but speed is not always a good thing unless we're talking telecommunications! It's not a race. Understanding takes patience. "Think before you speak," sounds cliched but it is good advice. Don't be afraid of silence. Don't feel the need to fill dead air with "uhms" and "ahs." Pregnant pauses, like an actual pregnancy, can mean something very good is about to happen.
Learn to analyze your audience and understand how to mix up "feelings" language with more assertive, decisive language. "I think, I feel" statements are sometimes appropriate, sometimes not. Depends on the audience and whether you're in the position where you might intimidate (supervisor/manager) your audience or be perceived as being intimidated (junior team member). The fact is, you want to avoid intimidating others AND being intimidated BY others.
If you're concerned about your ability to speak publicly and be understood and recognized for your intelligence and assertiveness, join Toastmasters. I've seen people really blossom by working on and improving their public speaking skills.
I work with many brilliant people who excel at what they do (analysis, design, technical problem solving) but who sometimes have a great deal of difficulty communicating effectively, especially verbally. If you are one of these people, I recommend learning how to read non-verbal communication (body language, facial expressions, etc.). You CAN teach yourself this stuff; it's a skill that can be learned just like any other. But don't get mired down in the theory; much of this reading of non-verbal communication cues has to be visceral, so learn to trust your instincts as well. Once I learned to shut my mouth and open my eyes more, a ton was revealed to me; and this knowledge has served me well.
And finally, observe women (how they interact socially and in the workplace, that is) versus men. There's lots to be learned there, good and bad!
One thing that really improved my communication skills was silence. I know, that sounds weird, right? But I am a talker, and a conversation dominator (at least I used to be). If you find yourself only half listening to others because you are busy formulating your reply, CHANGE this way of being. Make eye contact. LISTEN. Before you reply or add to the conversation, paraphrase back to the other person what they just said to you and ASK for their confirmation that you've understood them correctly. Ask more open-ended questions (not yes/no questions); make fewer statements (although be careful that you don't phrase everything as a question, which makes you look indecisive and weak). And remember that communication sometimes happens very quickly (or at least breakdowns in communication certainly do), but speed is not always a good thing unless we're talking telecommunications! It's not a race. Understanding takes patience. "Think before you speak," sounds cliched but it is good advice. Don't be afraid of silence. Don't feel the need to fill dead air with "uhms" and "ahs." Pregnant pauses, like an actual pregnancy, can mean something very good is about to happen.
Learn to analyze your audience and understand how to mix up "feelings" language with more assertive, decisive language. "I think, I feel" statements are sometimes appropriate, sometimes not. Depends on the audience and whether you're in the position where you might intimidate (supervisor/manager) your audience or be perceived as being intimidated (junior team member). The fact is, you want to avoid intimidating others AND being intimidated BY others.
If you're concerned about your ability to speak publicly and be understood and recognized for your intelligence and assertiveness, join Toastmasters. I've seen people really blossom by working on and improving their public speaking skills.
I work with many brilliant people who excel at what they do (analysis, design, technical problem solving) but who sometimes have a great deal of difficulty communicating effectively, especially verbally. If you are one of these people, I recommend learning how to read non-verbal communication (body language, facial expressions, etc.). You CAN teach yourself this stuff; it's a skill that can be learned just like any other. But don't get mired down in the theory; much of this reading of non-verbal communication cues has to be visceral, so learn to trust your instincts as well. Once I learned to shut my mouth and open my eyes more, a ton was revealed to me; and this knowledge has served me well.
And finally, observe women (how they interact socially and in the workplace, that is) versus men. There's lots to be learned there, good and bad!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Physique Competition: Proceed With Caution
I USED to think that if I could do this (get lean, compete), anyone could. Well, maybe that is true, but the bigger question really is SHOULD anyone? If you're going to do something that can only be called extreme, do you know WHY? What's driving you? And it's obvious that resilient metabolisms are far less common among the general population than the fitness gurus and figure mill svengalis would like us paying customers to believe.
Scott Abel said, "The cognitive association of connecting food-reward as part of the celebration of the contest date becomes more intertwined." That spoke to me. I instinctively felt that a heightened focus on the post-contest glut, the food porn on TV, the anxiety, irritability, and sleeplessness induced by acute hunger, were things that I had to be wary of, manage, and recognize for what they were (I won't go into details, but let's just say that Scott knows what the hell he's doing and Coaches appropriately at these times and, of course, beyond). I remember making a very conscious observation in 2008 that this hyper-focus on food was NOT GOOD. I didn't understand why nor did I know the science behind what was happening to me, but instinctively I knew I was in dangerous territory. I decided, again very consciously, that this hyper-focus was not something to glory in and indulge but rather something that had to be managed. Carefully and mindfully. Did I make mistakes? Yes, of course. Did I learn from those mistakes? Hell, yeah!
Your body is designed to protect itself from harm. So is your psyche. The problem with extreme dieting is that everything about it involves a retardation of your body's natural protective mechanisms, especially for women who are biologically designed to store more fat for reproductive purposes. Some (I'd go so far as to say most) people take it even further and use drugs to aid in that retardation (appetite suppressants, stimulants, sleep aids, and that's just a start) and force their bodies to go where they never naturally would or could. Does this sound even remotely healthy or safe? It's really laughable that we call the "fitness" industry by that name. The result of the pursuit of "fitness" is in reality so often its polar opposite: people who are severely UNfit physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
But there's a neverending string of females lined up with stars in their eyes and dreams of being the next big thing or simply fitting into a size 2. Yes, I feel a sense of outrage at this exploitation, and that's exactly what it is. There's no shortage of trainers out there who'll do "whatever it takes" and there's no shortage of customers out there willing to get stage ready no matter the cost. So there's really no incentive in terms of money to change the status quo. But just because this is the way things are doesn't mean those of us who envision something different and are behind those who are DOING something different should just shut up and accept things.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. The least we can do is NOT stay silent. So keep talking, keep sharing, keep DEMANDING help. Accept nothing less than exactly what you deserve: understanding, compassion, expertise, and recognition that you are a person first and a client second.
Scott Abel said, "The cognitive association of connecting food-reward as part of the celebration of the contest date becomes more intertwined." That spoke to me. I instinctively felt that a heightened focus on the post-contest glut, the food porn on TV, the anxiety, irritability, and sleeplessness induced by acute hunger, were things that I had to be wary of, manage, and recognize for what they were (I won't go into details, but let's just say that Scott knows what the hell he's doing and Coaches appropriately at these times and, of course, beyond). I remember making a very conscious observation in 2008 that this hyper-focus on food was NOT GOOD. I didn't understand why nor did I know the science behind what was happening to me, but instinctively I knew I was in dangerous territory. I decided, again very consciously, that this hyper-focus was not something to glory in and indulge but rather something that had to be managed. Carefully and mindfully. Did I make mistakes? Yes, of course. Did I learn from those mistakes? Hell, yeah!
Your body is designed to protect itself from harm. So is your psyche. The problem with extreme dieting is that everything about it involves a retardation of your body's natural protective mechanisms, especially for women who are biologically designed to store more fat for reproductive purposes. Some (I'd go so far as to say most) people take it even further and use drugs to aid in that retardation (appetite suppressants, stimulants, sleep aids, and that's just a start) and force their bodies to go where they never naturally would or could. Does this sound even remotely healthy or safe? It's really laughable that we call the "fitness" industry by that name. The result of the pursuit of "fitness" is in reality so often its polar opposite: people who are severely UNfit physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
But there's a neverending string of females lined up with stars in their eyes and dreams of being the next big thing or simply fitting into a size 2. Yes, I feel a sense of outrage at this exploitation, and that's exactly what it is. There's no shortage of trainers out there who'll do "whatever it takes" and there's no shortage of customers out there willing to get stage ready no matter the cost. So there's really no incentive in terms of money to change the status quo. But just because this is the way things are doesn't mean those of us who envision something different and are behind those who are DOING something different should just shut up and accept things.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. The least we can do is NOT stay silent. So keep talking, keep sharing, keep DEMANDING help. Accept nothing less than exactly what you deserve: understanding, compassion, expertise, and recognition that you are a person first and a client second.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The "Glory" that Is Not
Why do people glorify the neurosis that is the physique competitor mindset in so many cases, ad nauseam, but so often turn inward and clam up when they figure out what they've been doing to themselves is harmful, unhealthy, and possibly irreversable. Is it shame? Embarrassment? What? Why not speak out against this insanity and help people?
To me, it's more shameful to glorify the martyrdom and suffering (and, let's face it, sheer recklessness and irresponsibility) of absolute calories deprivation, mindless hours of cardio, foggy thinking and mental/emotional impairment, exhaustion, social withdrawal, alienation of loved ones, drug abuse, all on top of a blossoming eating disorder and unhealthy obsession with food. Yet that's what so often gets glorified in the name of support and sisterhood. And even when things aren't as extreme as all that, but the marks of the screwed up relationship to food are there post-competition, people still line up to say, "It's okay. I'm okay! You're okay! As long as we're damaging our wellbeing together, we're okay. It will all be fine when you start your next contest prep."
You know, I love competing. It's been an empowering, fun, challenging, rewarding experience for me. Probably for me what mountain climbing or triathlons are for other people. By choosing the experience from a place of curiousity with an attitude of "why not?" I've grown; mentally, emotionally, and physically. The experience has given back and made me stronger.
In the past when women would come up to me to ask about competing, I know my enthusiasm and excitement would come across to them. But now? Gawd. I have a really tough time recommending this pursuit to anyone who approaches me in person because I'm too fearful for them, especially since these are people that I maybe know casually at best. Usually all I say is don't even attempt to do this without a Coach who knows what the hell he/she is doing. Otherwise, it's too dangerous. Yes, I use the word dangerous. People don't seem to want to talk much after that!
The unhealthy mindset I see all over the place among competitors isn't, unfortunately, the exception. Rather, it seems to be the rule. It's the subculture, and people embrace it and validate themselves through membership within it. Those who exhibit a healthy approach to the lifestyle (NOT the subculture) are the exception.
To me, it's more shameful to glorify the martyrdom and suffering (and, let's face it, sheer recklessness and irresponsibility) of absolute calories deprivation, mindless hours of cardio, foggy thinking and mental/emotional impairment, exhaustion, social withdrawal, alienation of loved ones, drug abuse, all on top of a blossoming eating disorder and unhealthy obsession with food. Yet that's what so often gets glorified in the name of support and sisterhood. And even when things aren't as extreme as all that, but the marks of the screwed up relationship to food are there post-competition, people still line up to say, "It's okay. I'm okay! You're okay! As long as we're damaging our wellbeing together, we're okay. It will all be fine when you start your next contest prep."
You know, I love competing. It's been an empowering, fun, challenging, rewarding experience for me. Probably for me what mountain climbing or triathlons are for other people. By choosing the experience from a place of curiousity with an attitude of "why not?" I've grown; mentally, emotionally, and physically. The experience has given back and made me stronger.
In the past when women would come up to me to ask about competing, I know my enthusiasm and excitement would come across to them. But now? Gawd. I have a really tough time recommending this pursuit to anyone who approaches me in person because I'm too fearful for them, especially since these are people that I maybe know casually at best. Usually all I say is don't even attempt to do this without a Coach who knows what the hell he/she is doing. Otherwise, it's too dangerous. Yes, I use the word dangerous. People don't seem to want to talk much after that!
The unhealthy mindset I see all over the place among competitors isn't, unfortunately, the exception. Rather, it seems to be the rule. It's the subculture, and people embrace it and validate themselves through membership within it. Those who exhibit a healthy approach to the lifestyle (NOT the subculture) are the exception.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Grandstanding
grandstandingpresent participle of grand·stand
Verb: Seek to attract applause or favorable attention from spectators or the media.
It's true, there's nothing inherently wrong with grandstanding. But what if the only reason you reach out to help someone (a charity, someone who is ill, etc.) is to attract attention to your business and drum up more? True, I know this is "how it's done," in our society, but what happened to giving for its own sake, with no thunder and no applause?
Whenever I see the words "anonymous donor," I send as much positive, grateful energy and love to that person or persons as I can. I know it is difficult to give completely altruistically, but at least if that is from where your energy and desire to give comes, the spirit behind your actions has integrity. Otherwise, your act of charity seems self-serving and not really about the person or persons in need at all. Especially when you announce that act of charity before the fact so that you can get all sorts of attention for your good deed before you've even done anything!
Whenever I see the words "anonymous donor," I send as much positive, grateful energy and love to that person or persons as I can. I know it is difficult to give completely altruistically, but at least if that is from where your energy and desire to give comes, the spirit behind your actions has integrity. Otherwise, your act of charity seems self-serving and not really about the person or persons in need at all. Especially when you announce that act of charity before the fact so that you can get all sorts of attention for your good deed before you've even done anything!
But I guess that is the way of things when you live in a dog-eat-dog society built on capitalism. We capitalize, seizing every opportunity to benefit ourselves, even opportunities to be altruistic. Oh the hypocrisy! Everything is about the almighty dollar. Everything is a marketing opportunity. Everything... even giving.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sacrifice and Work Ethic
There's no denying the work ethic of those dieting/training to the point that they're "able" to compete; however, there's a huge difference between the character of those who "suffer" and those who "sacrifice."
Among those in the physique world are those who don't seem to enjoy anything. Not dieting. Not training. All you hear is the endless complaining of how tired, hungry, bitchy, anti-social, blah blah they've become. They're imprisoned by what the pursuit is doing TO them. And you'll also witness the sour grapes of those who don't place well when they feel that because they "worked their asses off" the hardest and suffered the most, they should be getting the trophy.
The mindset my Coach has dealt with among physique competitors (and yo-yo dieters, anorexics, bigorexics I'm assuming) is bizarre, and I'm guessing it's not as common among the general population or even among other athletes as it is in the bodybuilding/fitness world.
The self-discipline you see among those who rise above matyr status is something I used to refer to as "having one foot in Heaven." I know that's a bit too religious for some, but this was an observation I made in childhood, and I didn't know any other way to describe what I could sense in these people. They just seemed above the pettiness and struggles in which so many of us spend our lives.
I don't need to examine my work ethic. I need to examine my character. I am always watching, and I've too long been cheating myself, half-assing the self-discipline I've sought for so long.
There's more to the equation than work. There's the whole notion of sacrifice. Sacrifice, willingly and joyfully made--not choosing to suffer--is where I need to change my attitude. For me it goes back to the infantile ego. Children need rules, boundaries, limitations to keep their infantile egos in check. Many adults never get beyond needing these external limitations.
The sacrifice needs to be made for its own sake. Nothing more, nothing less. Why? Not to impress some panel of judges or win a trophy or get a contract, but because it is right and true to master the infantile ego and allow your true Self to transcend.
Among those in the physique world are those who don't seem to enjoy anything. Not dieting. Not training. All you hear is the endless complaining of how tired, hungry, bitchy, anti-social, blah blah they've become. They're imprisoned by what the pursuit is doing TO them. And you'll also witness the sour grapes of those who don't place well when they feel that because they "worked their asses off" the hardest and suffered the most, they should be getting the trophy.
The mindset my Coach has dealt with among physique competitors (and yo-yo dieters, anorexics, bigorexics I'm assuming) is bizarre, and I'm guessing it's not as common among the general population or even among other athletes as it is in the bodybuilding/fitness world.
The self-discipline you see among those who rise above matyr status is something I used to refer to as "having one foot in Heaven." I know that's a bit too religious for some, but this was an observation I made in childhood, and I didn't know any other way to describe what I could sense in these people. They just seemed above the pettiness and struggles in which so many of us spend our lives.
I don't need to examine my work ethic. I need to examine my character. I am always watching, and I've too long been cheating myself, half-assing the self-discipline I've sought for so long.
There's more to the equation than work. There's the whole notion of sacrifice. Sacrifice, willingly and joyfully made--not choosing to suffer--is where I need to change my attitude. For me it goes back to the infantile ego. Children need rules, boundaries, limitations to keep their infantile egos in check. Many adults never get beyond needing these external limitations.
The sacrifice needs to be made for its own sake. Nothing more, nothing less. Why? Not to impress some panel of judges or win a trophy or get a contract, but because it is right and true to master the infantile ego and allow your true Self to transcend.
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