A question on my Coach's forum got me thinking today about communication.
One thing that really improved my communication skills was silence. I know, that sounds weird, right? But I am a talker, and a conversation dominator (at least I used to be). If you find yourself only half listening to others because you are busy formulating your reply, CHANGE this way of being. Make eye contact. LISTEN. Before you reply or add to the conversation, paraphrase back to the other person what they just said to you and ASK for their confirmation that you've understood them correctly. Ask more open-ended questions (not yes/no questions); make fewer statements (although be careful that you don't phrase everything as a question, which makes you look indecisive and weak). And remember that communication sometimes happens very quickly (or at least breakdowns in communication certainly do), but speed is not always a good thing unless we're talking telecommunications! It's not a race. Understanding takes patience. "Think before you speak," sounds cliched but it is good advice. Don't be afraid of silence. Don't feel the need to fill dead air with "uhms" and "ahs." Pregnant pauses, like an actual pregnancy, can mean something very good is about to happen.
Learn to analyze your audience and understand how to mix up "feelings" language with more assertive, decisive language. "I think, I feel" statements are sometimes appropriate, sometimes not. Depends on the audience and whether you're in the position where you might intimidate (supervisor/manager) your audience or be perceived as being intimidated (junior team member). The fact is, you want to avoid intimidating others AND being intimidated BY others.
If you're concerned about your ability to speak publicly and be understood and recognized for your intelligence and assertiveness, join Toastmasters. I've seen people really blossom by working on and improving their public speaking skills.
I work with many brilliant people who excel at what they do (analysis, design, technical problem solving) but who sometimes have a great deal of difficulty communicating effectively, especially verbally. If you are one of these people, I recommend learning how to read non-verbal communication (body language, facial expressions, etc.). You CAN teach yourself this stuff; it's a skill that can be learned just like any other. But don't get mired down in the theory; much of this reading of non-verbal communication cues has to be visceral, so learn to trust your instincts as well. Once I learned to shut my mouth and open my eyes more, a ton was revealed to me; and this knowledge has served me well.
And finally, observe women (how they interact socially and in the workplace, that is) versus men. There's lots to be learned there, good and bad!
