I'll be attending a workshop put on by Scott Abel in Kelowna, BC, in October. The topic is pretty interesting to me. Here's an excerpt from the workbook Scott's preparing for the workshop (http://www.facebook.com/notes/coach-scott-abel/from-the-upcoming-workshop-workbook-i-am-preparing-for-oct-workshop/232412123441527):
I’ve seen competitors/extreme dieters who are thin or lean only a few weeks per year, and then they torture themselves mentally and emotionally by believing their starved selves are their real selves. For many of these types of individuals, food becomes the enemy because it is now directly tied to body image and nothing else. Food becomes a right/wrong, or good/bad- absolute. Therefore so does the way the person feels about herself. Food is the enemy that becomes this thing to fight against, rail against, fear, and understand and conquer. And yet it’s this exact mentality that only further feeds and fuels the food/eating issues. And food instruments, weight scales, food scales etc. now are part of the ammunition used on the self-judgment of good or bad, in the war being waged against yourself in the feeling brain – sometimes described aptly as “the battlefield of the mind” in regards to food issues. But common sense tells anyone that you don’t really need to weigh yourself to know if you are sticking to your healthy eating regimen or not. This process becomes a vicious emotional battle where what you eat, eats you up as well. And as I have said often, even if you are not acting on your food impulses behaviourally - if food and eating and resisting both occupy your mind constantly, then you still have food/eating issues. The act of eating or not eating just separates the type of the food/eating disorder is all.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Physical Symptoms, Emotional Causes
I've been feeling tired. I mean really tired. Ass-dragging, don't-wanna-get-out-of-bed tired. This from someone who has proven again and again she can give 'er when there's very little gas in the tank. You don't get contest ready otherwise.
For me, it was when I experienced some down time that the physical symptoms really started to manifest. And it's taken me about a year to figure out how to appropriately feel the emotions associated with the life-stuff going on. I'm getting a lot of this emotional work done right now, but it's through opening myself up to the process and through coaching. I have the keys, but unlocking the answers is not an overnight thing. I don't think the average GP is really equipped to help with this sort of physical stuff. It's labelled "stress" and you're often given a prescription to alleviate symptoms. Not good. But if you're focusing on the symptoms, you're looking in the wrong place for the answers. They might be right in front of you; you just may not be ready or don't want to see them. Yet.
So my eyes are open now, and I feel a tremendous weight has been lifted. Does this mean everything is sunshine and roses? No, but it means I'm not stuffing my feelings around the issues anymore. What I'm experiencing must be felt in order to be released. If I bottle it up, one or more things happen: I become irritable; I eat to numb myself; I get sick; I feel so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. And no drug is ever going to relieve these symptoms.
Now it's up to me to keep an eye on myself. And when these symptoms come up again, if they do, I need to stop. Look inside. Figure out what it is I'm ignoring. Feel it. Let it go. Then it won't hurt me anymore.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Food Issues and Emotions
This is not from me, but from my Coach's Facebook page concerning an upcoming blog:
Even excesses themsevles can take on drug-like intensity. 'feeling bad' can become a mode of comfort, simply because it has become familiar, and it is less scary than feeling vulnerable (binge eating nervosa) Using food can at the same time serve as a means to self-induglence, self-nurturing, and self-pinushment with the emotional familiarity to want to feel bad - all at the same time. And yet what is actually real in all of this is the desire to 'feel'.This is why these issues can be so difficult to treat. Thet are multifaceted. So often, the food/eating issue confuses all of these emotional needs into one single mood state that requires relief (usually numbing pain) What is required from a treatment standpoint is separating all these feelings from each other and then addressing them. This is the true emotional housecleaning that must be done. It's about removing emotional clutter. Then labeling and feeling emotions becomes easier, with no guilt and shame attachment. At this point -only then are the perceived food/eating issues weakened substantially.
This is EXACTLY where I am when it comes to "emotional eating." It's not about lackof willpower, lack of focus, or not "wanting it bad enough." All of those things are symptoms of what's going on emotionally/psychologically.
I can't believe what a difference it is making in my life being able to see things differently instead of just pinballing from one life event to the next with no insight whatsoever.
Good stuff.
More at http://www.facebook.com/CoachScottAbel
Even excesses themsevles can take on drug-like intensity. 'feeling bad' can become a mode of comfort, simply because it has become familiar, and it is less scary than feeling vulnerable (binge eating nervosa) Using food can at the same time serve as a means to self-induglence, self-nurturing, and self-pinushment with the emotional familiarity to want to feel bad - all at the same time. And yet what is actually real in all of this is the desire to 'feel'.This is why these issues can be so difficult to treat. Thet are multifaceted. So often, the food/eating issue confuses all of these emotional needs into one single mood state that requires relief (usually numbing pain) What is required from a treatment standpoint is separating all these feelings from each other and then addressing them. This is the true emotional housecleaning that must be done. It's about removing emotional clutter. Then labeling and feeling emotions becomes easier, with no guilt and shame attachment. At this point -only then are the perceived food/eating issues weakened substantially.
This is EXACTLY where I am when it comes to "emotional eating." It's not about lackof willpower, lack of focus, or not "wanting it bad enough." All of those things are symptoms of what's going on emotionally/psychologically.
I can't believe what a difference it is making in my life being able to see things differently instead of just pinballing from one life event to the next with no insight whatsoever.
Good stuff.
More at http://www.facebook.com/CoachScottAbel
Sunday, May 1, 2011
On leadership
It's a bit of an oversimplification, but there's a lot of perception out there concerning leadership that is very old school "us/them," union vs. management type stuff that perpetuates DUALITIES in thinking, struggles, battles, and opposition. It seems like the goal is compliance, not empowerment. Yet there is also stuff coming from smart people examining very successful companies that recognize the most successful employees in knowledge worker positions are most productive when they work for companies who facilitate autonomy, permit mastery, and clearly communicate an understanding of the bigger purpose behind the work being done.
As leaders, we are not so much here to be "The Boss" as we are to Coach/facilitate. The lessons and the messages I've been exposed to in pursuit of my fitness and physique competition goals (the good and, yes, the bad) and through working with Scott Abel as my Coach is applicable to my new role in my business life. I didn't expect to become a Coach in the fitness industry, and I'm not, but here I am, an emerging Coach nonetheless.
You gotta love it!
As leaders, we are not so much here to be "The Boss" as we are to Coach/facilitate. The lessons and the messages I've been exposed to in pursuit of my fitness and physique competition goals (the good and, yes, the bad) and through working with Scott Abel as my Coach is applicable to my new role in my business life. I didn't expect to become a Coach in the fitness industry, and I'm not, but here I am, an emerging Coach nonetheless.
You gotta love it!
Friday, April 22, 2011
On Words
There's so, so much that could be said about this short film. Words can change the world, lie, reveal, help, hinder, and the list goes on...
It's good for me, someone from whom words often flow fast and furious in written and spoken form, to be reminded how much power there is in the endless combinations that can be made from 26 little letters.
I hope you guys enjoy this short but powerful film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzi...layer_embedded
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Communication
A question on my Coach's forum got me thinking today about communication.
One thing that really improved my communication skills was silence. I know, that sounds weird, right? But I am a talker, and a conversation dominator (at least I used to be). If you find yourself only half listening to others because you are busy formulating your reply, CHANGE this way of being. Make eye contact. LISTEN. Before you reply or add to the conversation, paraphrase back to the other person what they just said to you and ASK for their confirmation that you've understood them correctly. Ask more open-ended questions (not yes/no questions); make fewer statements (although be careful that you don't phrase everything as a question, which makes you look indecisive and weak). And remember that communication sometimes happens very quickly (or at least breakdowns in communication certainly do), but speed is not always a good thing unless we're talking telecommunications! It's not a race. Understanding takes patience. "Think before you speak," sounds cliched but it is good advice. Don't be afraid of silence. Don't feel the need to fill dead air with "uhms" and "ahs." Pregnant pauses, like an actual pregnancy, can mean something very good is about to happen.
Learn to analyze your audience and understand how to mix up "feelings" language with more assertive, decisive language. "I think, I feel" statements are sometimes appropriate, sometimes not. Depends on the audience and whether you're in the position where you might intimidate (supervisor/manager) your audience or be perceived as being intimidated (junior team member). The fact is, you want to avoid intimidating others AND being intimidated BY others.
If you're concerned about your ability to speak publicly and be understood and recognized for your intelligence and assertiveness, join Toastmasters. I've seen people really blossom by working on and improving their public speaking skills.
I work with many brilliant people who excel at what they do (analysis, design, technical problem solving) but who sometimes have a great deal of difficulty communicating effectively, especially verbally. If you are one of these people, I recommend learning how to read non-verbal communication (body language, facial expressions, etc.). You CAN teach yourself this stuff; it's a skill that can be learned just like any other. But don't get mired down in the theory; much of this reading of non-verbal communication cues has to be visceral, so learn to trust your instincts as well. Once I learned to shut my mouth and open my eyes more, a ton was revealed to me; and this knowledge has served me well.
And finally, observe women (how they interact socially and in the workplace, that is) versus men. There's lots to be learned there, good and bad!
One thing that really improved my communication skills was silence. I know, that sounds weird, right? But I am a talker, and a conversation dominator (at least I used to be). If you find yourself only half listening to others because you are busy formulating your reply, CHANGE this way of being. Make eye contact. LISTEN. Before you reply or add to the conversation, paraphrase back to the other person what they just said to you and ASK for their confirmation that you've understood them correctly. Ask more open-ended questions (not yes/no questions); make fewer statements (although be careful that you don't phrase everything as a question, which makes you look indecisive and weak). And remember that communication sometimes happens very quickly (or at least breakdowns in communication certainly do), but speed is not always a good thing unless we're talking telecommunications! It's not a race. Understanding takes patience. "Think before you speak," sounds cliched but it is good advice. Don't be afraid of silence. Don't feel the need to fill dead air with "uhms" and "ahs." Pregnant pauses, like an actual pregnancy, can mean something very good is about to happen.
Learn to analyze your audience and understand how to mix up "feelings" language with more assertive, decisive language. "I think, I feel" statements are sometimes appropriate, sometimes not. Depends on the audience and whether you're in the position where you might intimidate (supervisor/manager) your audience or be perceived as being intimidated (junior team member). The fact is, you want to avoid intimidating others AND being intimidated BY others.
If you're concerned about your ability to speak publicly and be understood and recognized for your intelligence and assertiveness, join Toastmasters. I've seen people really blossom by working on and improving their public speaking skills.
I work with many brilliant people who excel at what they do (analysis, design, technical problem solving) but who sometimes have a great deal of difficulty communicating effectively, especially verbally. If you are one of these people, I recommend learning how to read non-verbal communication (body language, facial expressions, etc.). You CAN teach yourself this stuff; it's a skill that can be learned just like any other. But don't get mired down in the theory; much of this reading of non-verbal communication cues has to be visceral, so learn to trust your instincts as well. Once I learned to shut my mouth and open my eyes more, a ton was revealed to me; and this knowledge has served me well.
And finally, observe women (how they interact socially and in the workplace, that is) versus men. There's lots to be learned there, good and bad!
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